I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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