So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
