I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
