like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
