Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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