actually, I'm a sock model
Nicole vs. Life
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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