I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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