I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
