i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
