At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
