Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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