Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
