I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
