k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
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