well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
