margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
