thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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