I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
