The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
