my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
