im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
