another moral hangover. fuck.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
