if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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