How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
