Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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