I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
