I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
