i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
