i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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