I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
