my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its about making memories worth repressing
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
