'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
