yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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