I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Farmville is her only friend.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
