speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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