So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize