You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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