she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
