Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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