i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
