She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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