my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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