Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
