just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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