Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
