Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
