just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
