So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
