Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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