I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
