there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
