I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
