there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
