The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
