Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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