3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
