I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
