you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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