he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
