At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
