also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Houston, we have a squirter
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
