Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
