Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize