SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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