hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
