you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
