My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
