fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
