Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
