I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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