I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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