I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
