I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
