You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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