And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
