yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
