TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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