if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
