Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
